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The List
All the Good Things:
He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint
Mary's School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students
were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million.
Very neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive
attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness
delightful. Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and
again that talking without permission was not acceptable.
What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response
every time I had to correct him for misbehaving - "Thank
you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know what to make
of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to
hearing it many times a day. One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark
talked once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher's
mistake. I looked at him and said, "If you say one more
word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten
seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking
again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me
watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in
front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the
scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer
and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a
word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of
tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then
returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark
to see how he was doing he winked at me. That did it! I
started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to
Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders.
His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."
At the end of the year I was asked to teach junior-high
math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in
my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just
as polite. He had to listen carefully to my instructions
in the "new math," so he did not talk as much in ninth
grade as he had in the third. One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked
hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the
students were frowning, frustrated with themselves --
and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness
before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the
names of the other students in the room on two sheets of
paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told
them to think of the nicest thing they could say about
each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish the
assignment, and as the students left the room, each one
handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a
good weekend." That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student
on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone
else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before
long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" I heard
whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!"
"I didn't know others liked me so much!" No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I
never knew if they discussed them after class or with
their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had
accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with
themselves and one another again. That group of students moved on. Several years later,
after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at
the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me
the usual questions about the trip -- the weather, my
experiences in general. There was a light lull in the conversation. Mother
gave Dad a sideways glance and I simply said, "Dad?"
My father cleared his throat as he usually did before
something important. "The Eklunds called last night,"
he began.
"Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years.
I wonder how Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was
killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow,
and his parents would like it if you could attend."
To this day I can still point to the exact spot on
I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin
before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I
could think at that moment was, Mark, I would give
all the masking tape in the world if only you would
talk to me. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's
sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why
did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It
was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor
said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps.
One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by
the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was
the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted
as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math
teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare
at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said. After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates
headed to Chucks farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother
and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking
a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark
when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn
pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped,
folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on
which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's
classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for
doing that" Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark
treasured it." Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie
smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list.
It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife
said, "Chuck asked me to put this in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then
Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook,
took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled
list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times,"
Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all
saved our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for
Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The purpose of this page, is to encourage everyone to compliment the people you love and care about. We often tend to forget the importance of showing our affections and love. Sometimes the smallest of things, could mean the most to another. The density of people in society, is so thick, that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. |