Quotations From Women
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling
"Hey, come back here with my breast!"
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting
my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought
half as good.
Luckily, this is not difficult.
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body
starts falling apart.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I think---therefore I'm single.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls
every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes
home late every night.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.